This is a basic three stage approach to counseling. This is a process to use those who come to you for help with a problem or wants to discuss something. It is for the 'normal neurotics just like me and you" but not intended for dealing with patients suffering from serious mental issues.
It avoids giving advice (a mistake in any counseling approach). If you adhere to this method, you'll be safe and likely do a lot of good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening is the act of understanding the content as well as the emotions associated with it.
Cerebral understanding isn't enough.
Never make a statement that is a statement that defines the issue or of the other party's feelings. Instead, ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". Not, "The issue is . . ." but instead, "You think the problem is . . ." Or "The method you think of it . . . ". At this point, it might suffice to be able to say "uh-huh" or shake your head.
The process ends when the person begins to talk about the root of the issue. You will know you have done well when you get acceptance of your suggestions for the problem and the feelings behind it.
Stage Two Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
If the person who is talking to you is able to hear them, they'll move on to deeper things. At this stage you can start asking exploratory questions. Asking if they have had this experience before. what they've attempted to do in similar situations, whether it worked or not and if there are any thoughts or emotions that are happening for them. You can, if you are able to clearly observe something make observations of the things you observe. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. In this case, it's better to ask a question than to make statements.
The critical issue in this moment is staying in touch with their feelings at the level they feel them.
If you can't do this, inform them Don't try to fake Amanda Smith Writer it. You could say, "Sorry, I can't manage this at the moment." They will appreciate this more than pretending (and they'll always know if you are just pretending).
This phase is finished when the issue is seen differently and a different perspective is obtained.
Stage Three: Doing Different Things
Once they see things differently they can start to do things in a different way, or at least make plans to.
When someone is contacting you with a concern is to rush to this stage quickly. This is a mistake. What is needed is the moment to examine what's happening and to look at it in a new way.
At this point, you are able to suggest what worked for you.
Don't get trapped into playing "Yes, but . . . ".
If they give reasons why your suggestions won't work, don't be a defender. Instead, ask them what they tried, the reason it didn't work, and what they could try differently this time.
It is possible to arrange that they check with you regularly so you can keep track of how they are doing with their new way of working.
This stage ends when they test new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behavior they would like to test with other people.
This is mostly about listening.
The other person will always know more about their situation than you do.
Don't give any advice on what they should do. In the third stage you might want to share your experiences in the event that you've dealt with similar issues yourself.
With some practice, you'll become quite proficient fast at this skill. You might end up being one of those people who people seek advice'. So long as you adhere to this procedure, and don't offer advice, you'll be doing great work and assist many others.